What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 00:36
I don,t even have a pension.
It was going to be , some day.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Do you think the constitution and laws should be taught in school?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What is the opposite personality type of someone with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder)?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
How do you go about getting invited to an orgy?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
What is your most erotic sex story?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
(And it was in our own minds.)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Liberals, why don't you like Conservatives?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What is your juiciest sex story?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
If Trump were to lose in 2024, would that be the end of his grip on the Republican Party?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
When was the last time you had sex with someone much older than yourself?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
When she asked me how she looked .
US researchers solve tokamak plasma mystery with elusive ‘voids’ discovery - Interesting Engineering
My family never makes their pension either.
Ive learnt so much.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
How do you write a letter to your uncle who sent you money for your birthday outfit?
She married twice! .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What it is like to have sex with a relative woman?
All the time i was locked up.
She was in good health!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We all went to grammer schools
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My life is so biszare .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Would this be the day?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He knew the spot.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She found it foreign!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Especially a lifetime of it.
She loved him until the end.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One cannot live in the past .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was 9 years of age.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i lived it daily.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Who then, do I blame.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But it wasn’t much.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I couldn’t, believe it.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She wouldn,t have been !
I will be 64.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
What did i know ?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I write beautiful poetry .
I was very sick at this time too.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We were not on the streets..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I think the readers, may guess!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I said to her
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was seconnd youngest,
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im still living with it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
This is soul school!.
Put me off passion for life!!
I have no regrets .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was scared of men, in general
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So whats the point in blame.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But, we were locked up after school.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I waited trembling.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .